I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
