12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
