I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
