You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
