Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
