you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
