Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They are going to name an STD after you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
