next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
