hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
