he shaved USA in his pubs
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
