Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
