when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
