i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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