I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
