There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
