this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have post one night stand depression
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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