I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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