We're facebook friends in real life
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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