Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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