What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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