did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
