Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
