Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
