It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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