Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize