So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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