Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
