I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
