My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
