i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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