Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
