Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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