he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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