Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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