He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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