Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
