just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
