Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He? As in you personified your dick?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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