Plan B is the new Plan A
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
