Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
