Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
