The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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