Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
