smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
