Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
