I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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