Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
