your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
