Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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