My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
