Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
