She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
