Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
nutella sex= disaster
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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