so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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